I've always keep it inside.

I’ve never been able to tell people how I feel; I’ve always kept it inside. Most often it’s the intensely negative and destructive emotions that I bottle up… most often to the point where they begin to quietly destroy me from the inside out. Everyone seems obsessed with happiness and positivity. We live in a society where everyone has smiling photos and happy lives and I don’t know how to relate because I don’t feel like smiling… I don’t have a particularly happy life. 

So I fake it. I pretend. I make my profile photo’s look like everyone else’s, I smile and talk about the weather like everyone else… but what I’m presenting isn’t real a lot of the time. 

Sometimes I wonder – what if nobody’s really that happy? What if everyone else is looking at everyone else and pretending to be happy because it’s what they think is ‘normal’. 

What if we’re all liars pretending to be something we’re not, when really, feeling sad or discontent is normal and if one person just stood up and admitted it we’d all start to realize what a farce it really is.. 

But then I think… perhaps it is just me, and telling people would just bring them down. Perhaps it’s better to keep the negativity inside so it doesn’t hurt other people and make them sad. Because that’s the last thing in the world I’d ever want… to be the cause of someone else feeling what I feel every day…